Dad

Yesterday was the anniversary (is that the right word?) of my dad's last day here on earth.
He and I had this silly little thing we always did whenever I would call him or he would call me. I would call him "Big Sid" and he would call me "Little Sis". He was a gruff man in many ways but I could always make him laugh at himself. That's one of my best memories about him.

This picture is his last visit to Chattanooga. Only a few months after this he would receive a cancer diagnosis of multiple myeloma and live another six months. It surprised me how peacefully he dealt with this crisis, how he met death head on without alot of anger or fear.

One of my most poignant memories is the time I spent with him two weeks before he died. Hospice was called in so he was able to stay in the house - we set up a hospital bed in the family room. That room became holy ground as a steady stream of folks came to say goodbye to dad. Many times he was the one comforting and assuring others, praying for them and encouraging them. On Easter morning a bunch of people from Dutton church came after the morning service and sang resurrection songs outside the patio door - he was only a week away from seeing the risen Savior face to face.

Dad and I had many quiet hours to say "I love you", "I'm sorry", "Thank you." One morning the reality of what was happening hit me so hard and I went over to his bed and laid my head on his chest and wept. He stroked my hair with his large hand and said "it will be o.k. Little Sis." (It's hard to type this with tears streaming down my face).

He was not a storybook dad - the kind of dad who had lots of patience and a calm spirit. He was loud and often impatient, a man of strong convictions and passion. His first reaction to any suggestion of doing something a different way was a resounding no. But I think I need to show the kind of grace I hope my kids show me some day and write that he was the best dad he knew how to be.

What did he instill in me? A strong work ethic, tenacity. A sense of humor, most definitely. An unshakeable belief in God (from a very Reformed perspective of course:-)

Who am I apart from him, because of him, in spite of him? I am still discovering that.

But this is something I know without a doubt - I loved him very much.